Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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