Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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