I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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