you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
