i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
