that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
