If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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