She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I looked at my own cervix.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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