dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
