In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
