Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
