My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
