uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
