I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
