Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
