she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
