My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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