I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
