Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
