Swine flu. Run for my life!
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
