The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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