I'm going to jail i love you
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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