4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
