Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
