The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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