um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
