Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
