he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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