I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
