lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
