I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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