Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
