4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
