Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
