Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
