Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
