dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
