Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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