The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize