it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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