Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
how does that bad decision feel?
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