just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
