i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
BRING THE BAGELS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
