Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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