I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
