so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
