I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
