I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my being single is dangerous.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
