Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
