pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize