Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
