I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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