Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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