i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
