Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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