One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
