i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
