I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
