I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
