they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
