When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
