i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
