That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize