maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
