the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
