but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
