Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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