The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
