Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
