DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
