you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
