16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
